mojo
Full Member
Posts: 125
|
Post by mojo on Sept 29, 2013 2:49:56 GMT -5
How do you keep a moron in suspense?
|
|
mojo
Full Member
Posts: 125
|
Post by mojo on Sept 29, 2013 2:53:28 GMT -5
Judge asked the young, pretty defendent, "Would you tell the jury why you shot your husband with a bow & arrow?" She replied that she didn't want to wake the kids.
|
|
mojo
Full Member
Posts: 125
|
Post by mojo on Sept 29, 2013 2:55:42 GMT -5
What do you call a cow after an abortion?
Decalfinated.
|
|
mojo
Full Member
Posts: 125
|
Post by mojo on Sept 29, 2013 3:02:51 GMT -5
During a recent flight, a storm blew up & the pilot was forced to lighten the weight of the plane. He asked for volunteers to bail out. A Frenchman arose & shouted "Viva la France" & jumped out. Then an Englishman got up & declared "Long live the Queen" & leaped from the plane. A Texan stood up & said, "Remember the Alamo" & pushed a Mexican out of the door.
|
|
mojo
Full Member
Posts: 125
|
Post by mojo on Sept 29, 2013 3:07:09 GMT -5
Ok friends, last j o t d (joke of the day.) Please, if anyone is offended tell me.
Want to really drive someone crazy? Send them a wire saying ignore the first wire.
|
|
|
Post by Yogisd1 on Sept 29, 2013 12:02:46 GMT -5
Did you hear about the Buddhist who refused Novocain during a root canal? His goal: transcend dental medication.
|
|
|
Post by Yogisd1 on Sept 29, 2013 12:03:50 GMT -5
The soldier who survived mustard gas and pepper spray is now a seasoned veteran.
|
|
mojo
Full Member
Posts: 125
|
Post by mojo on Sept 30, 2013 3:57:21 GMT -5
damn yogi, I swear you're as warped as I am...loving your jokes!!!
|
|
|
Post by Yogisd1 on Sept 30, 2013 22:24:10 GMT -5
Thank you very much.... I think:)
|
|
|
Post by ACCC on Oct 2, 2013 8:58:03 GMT -5
A good looking man walked into an agent's office in Hollywood and said, "I want to be a movie star." Tall, handsome, and with experience on Broadway, he had the right credentials. The agent asked, "What's your name?" The guy said, "My name is Penis van Lesbian." The agent said, "Sir, I hate to tell you, but in order to get into Hollywood, you are going to have to change your name." "I will NOT change my name! The van Lesbian name is centuries old, I will not disrespect my grandfather by changing my name. Not ever." The agent said, "Sir, I have worked in Hollywood for years...you will NEVER go far in Hollywood with a name like Penis van Lesbian! I'm telling you, you will HAVE TO change your name or I will not be able to represent you." "So be it! I guess we will not do business together," the guy said and he left the agent's office.
FIVE YEARS LATER......The agent opens an envelope sent to his office. Inside the envelope is a letter and a check for $50,000. The agent is awe-struck, who would possibly send him $50,000? He reads the letter enclosed... Dear Sir, Five years ago, I came into your office wanting to become an actor in Hollywood, you told me I needed to change my name. Determined to make it with my God-given birth name, I refused. You told me I would never make it in Hollywood with a name like Penis van Lesbian. After I left your office, I thought about what you said. I decided you were right. I had to change my name. I had too much pride to return to your office, so I signed with another agent. I would never have made it without changing my name, so the enclosed check is a token of my appreciation. Thank you for your advice. Sincerely, Dick van Dyke
|
|
|
Post by DHOB on Oct 2, 2013 11:47:45 GMT -5
LMAO ACCC!
|
|
|
Post by goodgrief on Oct 12, 2013 12:51:54 GMT -5
A woman ran a red traffic light and crashed into a man's car. Both of their cars are demolished but amazingly neither of them was hurt.
After they crawled out of their cars, the woman said; "Wow, just look at our cars! There's nothing left, but fortunately we are unhurt. This must be a sign from God that we should meet and be friends and live together in peace for the rest of our days."
The man replied," I agree with you completely. This must be a sign from God!"
The woman continued, "And look at this, here's another miracle. My car is completely demolished, but my bottle of wine didn't break. Surely God wants us to drink this wine and celebrate our good fortune." Then she hands the bottle to the man.
The man nods his head in agreement, opens it, drinks half the bottle and then hands it back to the woman. The woman takes the bottle, immediately puts the cap back on, and hands it back to the man.
The man asks, "Aren't you having any?"
She replies, "Nah. I think I'll just wait for the police."
Adam ate the apple, too!
Men will never learn!
|
|
|
Post by espnisgone on Oct 12, 2013 16:13:01 GMT -5
How do you keep a moron in suspense? I am still waiting for Mojo to come back and finish this joke. ;D
|
|
|
Post by Schmoopy1000 on Oct 12, 2013 16:26:34 GMT -5
How do you keep a moron in suspense? I am still waiting for Mojo to come back and finish this joke. ;D LOL
|
|
|
Post by Yogisd1 on Oct 17, 2013 4:07:15 GMT -5
My girlfriend and I were watching a TV show about psychology the other night. The host was explaining the phenomenon of mixed emotions. I told her "That's a crock, I'll bet you couldn't tell me anything that would make me happy and sad at the same time." She turned to me and said "Out of all your friends, you have the biggest package."
|
|