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Post by pegbundy on Mar 31, 2018 22:25:19 GMT -5
That is pretty funny, but that drawing scared me a little when it first opened up. It was like when they cut to a scary scene in a horror movie. I got to be honest.That is exactly how I see her after all these months.Still on TV talking about an old election. Still acting like she is an important part of the country. Nobody cares anymore and she is pathetic.
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Post by Yogisd1 on Apr 2, 2018 22:41:00 GMT -5
The Smiths were unable to conceive children and decided to use a surrogate father to start their family. On the day the proxy father was to arrive, Mr. Smith kissed his wife goodbye and said, 'Well, I'm off now. The man should be here soon.'
Half an hour later, just by chance, a door-to-door baby photographer happened to ring the doorbell, hoping to make a sale. 'Good morning, Ma'am', he said, 'I've come to...'
'Oh, no need to explain,' Mrs. Smith cut in, embarrassed, 'I've been expecting you.'
'Have you really?' said the photographer. 'Well, that's good. Did you know babies are my specialty?'
'Well that's what my husband and I had hoped. Please come in and have a seat After a moment she asked, blushing, 'Well, where do we start?'
'Leave everything to me. I usually try two in the bathtub, one on the couch, and perhaps a couple on the bed. And sometimes the living room floor is fun. You can really spread out there.'
'Bathtub, living room floor? No wonder it didn't work out for Harry and me!'
'Well, Ma'am, none of us can guarantee a good one every time. But if we try several different positions and I shoot from six or seven angles, I'm sure you'll be pleased with the results.'
'My, that's a lot!', gasped Mrs. Smith..
'Ma'am, in my line of work a man has to take his time. I'd love to be In and out in five minutes, but I'm sure you'd be disappointed with that.'
'Don't I know it,' said Mrs. Smith quietly.
The photographer opened his briefcase and pulled out a portfolio of his baby pictures. 'This was done on the top of a bus,' he said.
'Oh, my God!' Mrs Smith exclaimed, putting her hand over her mouth.
'And these twins turned out exceptionally well - when you consider their mother was so difficult to work with.'
'She was difficult?' asked Mrs. Smith.
'Yes, I'm afraid so. I finally had to take her to the park to get the job done right. People were crowding around four and five deep to get a good look'
'Four and five deep?' said Mrs. Smith, her eyes wide with amazement..
'Yes', the photographer replied. 'And for more than three hours, too. The mother was constantly squealing and yelling - I could hardly concentrate, and when darkness approached I had to rush my shots. Finally, when the squirrels began nibbling on my equipment, I just had to pack it all in'
Mrs. Smith leaned forward. 'Do you mean they actually chewed on your, uh...equipment?'
'It's true, Ma'am, yes. Well, if you're ready, I'll set-up my tripod and we can get to work right away.'
'Tripod?’, she queried, nearly fainting.
'Oh yes, Ma'am. I need to use a tripod to rest my Canon on. It's much too big to be held in the hand for long.'
Mrs.Smith fainted.
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Post by grahamcracker on May 14, 2018 13:34:46 GMT -5
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Post by Yogisd1 on May 14, 2018 16:08:39 GMT -5
I love it. But I want to try the .50 cal. model
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Post by grahamcracker on May 16, 2018 18:26:00 GMT -5
I love it. But I want to try the .50 cal. model That would be for when the golf course is in the next county.
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Post by Patrick on Jun 16, 2018 13:32:08 GMT -5
Manure.. An interesting fact.
Manure : In the 16th and 17th centuries, everything for export had to be transported by ship. It was also before the invention of commercial fertilizers, so large shipments of manure were quite common.
It was shipped dry, because in dry form it weighed a lot less than when wet, but once water (at sea) hit it, not only did it become heavier, but the process of fermentation began again, of which a by-product is methane gas. As the stuff was stored below decks in bundles you can see what could (and did) happen. Methane began to build up below decks and the first time someone came below at night with a lantern, BOOOOM!
Several ships were destroyed in this manner before it was determined just what was happening
After that, the bundles of manure were always stamped with the instruction ' Stow high in transit ' on them, which meant for the sailors to stow it high enough off the lower decks so that any water that came into the hold would not touch this "volatile" cargo and start the production of methane.
Thus evolved the term ' S.H.I.T ' , (Stow High In Transit) ,............. "So it's really not a swear word"
which has come down through the centuries and is in use to this very day.
You probably did not know the true history of this word. Neither did I
I had always thought it was a golfing term.
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Post by pegbundy on Jun 16, 2018 22:38:35 GMT -5
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Post by 221dayton on Jun 17, 2018 12:10:46 GMT -5
They are so serious they take all the fun out.
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Post by pegbundy on Jun 17, 2018 22:49:39 GMT -5
They are so serious they take all the fun out. LOL Serious S**T
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Post by 221dayton on Jun 18, 2018 12:21:16 GMT -5
They are so serious they take all the fun out. LOL Serious S**T You win!
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Post by goodgrief on Aug 21, 2018 14:44:32 GMT -5
Where did that Saying Come From ?
“They used to use urine to tan animal skins, so families used to all pee in a pot. Once a day it was taken and sold to the tannery. If you had to do this to survive, you were ‘piss poor.’ But worse than that were the really poor folks who couldn’t even afford to buy a pot. They ‘didn’t have a pot to piss in’ and were considered the lowest of the low.”
“Most people got married in June because they took their yearly bath in May, and they still smelled pretty good by June. However, since they were starting to smell, brides carried a bouquet of flowers to hide the body odor. Hence the custom today of carrying a bouquet when getting married.”
“Baths consisted of a big tub filled with hot water. The man of the house had the privilege of the nice clean water, then all the other sons and men, then the women, and finally the children. Last of all the babies. By then the water was so dirty you could actually lose someone in it. Hence the saying, ‘Don’t throw the baby out with the bath water!’”
“Houses had thatched roofs with thick straw-piled high and no wood underneath. It was the only place for animals to get warm, so all the cats and other small animals (mice, bugs) lived in the roof. When it rained, it became slippery and sometimes the animals would slip and fall off the roof. Hence the saying, ‘It’s raining cats and dogs.’ There was nothing to stop things from falling into the house. This posed a real problem in the bedroom where bugs and other droppings could mess up your nice clean bed. Hence, a bed with big posts and a sheet hung over the top afforded some protection. That’s how canopy beds came into existence.”
“The floor was dirt. Only the wealthy had something other than dirt. Hence the term, ‘dirt poor.’ The wealthy had slate floors that would get slippery in the winter when wet, so they spread thresh (straw) on the floor to help keep their footing. As the winter wore on, they added more thresh until, when you opened the door, it would all start slipping outside. A piece of wood was placed in the entrance-way. Hence, ‘a thresh hold.’”
“In those old days, they cooked in the kitchen with a big kettle that always hung over the fire. Every day, they lit the fire and added things to the pot. They ate mostly vegetables and did not get much meat. They would eat the stew for dinner, leaving leftovers in the pot to get cold overnight and then start over the next day. Sometimes stew had food in it that had been there for quite a while. Hence the rhyme, ‘Peas porridge hot, peas porridge cold, peas porridge in the pot nine days old.’ Sometimes they could obtain pork, which made them feel quite special. When visitors came over, they would hang up their bacon to show off. It was a sign of wealth that a man could ‘bring home the bacon.’ They would cut off a little to share with guests, and would all sit around and ‘chew the fat.’”
“Those with money had plates made of pewter. Food with high acid content caused some of the lead to leak onto the food, causing lead poisoning death. This happened most often with tomatoes, so for the next 400 years or so, tomatoes were considered poisonous.
Bread was divided according to status. Workers got the burnt bottom of the loaf, the family got the middle, and guests got the top, or the ‘upper crust.’”
“Lead cups were used to drink ale or whisky. The combination would sometimes knock the 'imbibers' out for a couple of days. Someone walking along the road would take them for dead, and prepare them for burial. They were laid out on the kitchen table for a couple of days, and the family would gather around. They would eat and drink and wait to see if he would wake up. Hence the custom of holding a ‘wake.’
“In old, small villages, local folks started running out of places to bury people. So they would dig up coffins and would take the bones to a bone-house, and reuse the grave. When reopening these coffins, 1 out of 25 coffins were found to have scratch marks on the inside, and they realized they had been burying people "alive". So, they would tie a string on the wrist of the thought to be, corpse, lead it through the coffin and up through the ground and tie it to a bell. Someone would have to sit out in the graveyard all night to listen for the bell. Thus, someone could be ‘saved by the bell,’ or was considered a ‘dead ringer.’ And the person who spent the night listening for bells, was working ‘the graveyard shift’.
Now, whoever said history was boring?
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Post by searchers on Aug 21, 2018 19:26:27 GMT -5
GG I don't know how much is true but that is one hell of an explanation. Thanks for that one.
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Post by goodgrief on Aug 28, 2018 18:18:50 GMT -5
LOL thanks folks for the attaboys. I got this from a friend and have no idea how much is factual. Sorry
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Post by goodgrief on Sept 5, 2018 15:40:08 GMT -5
The Nun and the Warm Milk
The "wisdom" that the Mother Superior shared was not a result of years and years of formal training her wisdom came from her gut and the fact she was able to recognize a good thing even when it came from an unconventional source. And yes it may have been a "heavenly message".
In a convent in Ireland, the 99-year-old Mother Superior lay quietly. She was dying. The Nuns had gathered around her bed, laying garlands of flowers around her and trying to make her last journey comfortable. They wanted to give her warm milk to drink but she declined. One of the nuns took the glass back to the kitchen.
Then, remembering a bottle of Irish Whiskey that had been received as a gift the previous Christmas, she opened it and poured a generous amount into the warm milk.
Back at Mother Superior's bed, they lifted her head gently and held the glass to her lips. The very frail Nun drank a little, then a little more and before they knew it, she had finished the whole glass down to the last drop.
As her eyes brightened, the nuns thought it would be a good opportunity to have one last talk with their spiritual leader.
"Mother," the nuns asked earnestly, "Please give us some of your wisdom before you leave us."
She raised herself up very slowly in the bed on one elbow, looked at them and said:
"DON'T SELL THAT COW."
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Post by Gant fan on Sept 11, 2018 14:40:49 GMT -5
"24 hours in a day and 24 beers in a case. Coincidence? I think not".
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