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Post by ACCC on Sept 12, 2012 10:55:36 GMT -5
A little bit of cute, funny trivia that may become part of the moon landing history . ON JULY 20, 1969 AS COMMANDER OF THE APOLLO 11
LUNAR MODULE, NEIL ARMSTRONG WAS THE FIRST PERSON TO SET FOOT ON THE MOON.
HIS FIRST WORDS AFTER STEPPING ON THE MOON, "THAT'S ONE
SMALL STEP FOR MAN, ONE GIANT LEAP FOR MANKIND,"
WERE TELEVISED TO EARTH AND HEARD BY MILLIONS.
BUT JUST BEFORE HE RE-ENTERED THE LANDER,
HE MADE THE ENIGMATIC REMARK -"GOOD LUCK, MR. GORSKY".
MANY PEOPLE AT NASA THOUGHT IT WAS A CASUAL REMARK
CONCERNING SOME RIVAL SOVIET COSMONAUT.
HOWEVER, UPON CHECKING, THERE WAS NO GORSKY
IN EITHER THE RUSSIAN OR AMERICAN SPACE PROGRAMS.
OVER THE YEARS, MANY PEOPLE QUESTIONED ARMSTRONG AS TO WHAT THE - 'GOOD LUCK, MR. GORSKY' STATEMENT MEANT,
BUT ARMSTRONG ALWAYS JUST SMILED.
ON JULY 5, 1995, IN TAMPA BAY, FLORIDA, WHILE ANSWERING QUESTIONS FOLLOWING A SPEECH, A REPORTER BROUGHT UP THE 26-YEAR-OLD QUESTION TO ARMSTRONG.
THIS TIME HE FINALLY RESPONDED. MR. GORSKY HAD DIED,
SO NEIL ARMSTRONG FELT HE COULD NOW ANSWER THE QUESTION.
IN 1938, WHEN HE WAS A KID IN A SMALL MID-WESTERN TOWN ,
HE WAS PLAYING BASEBALL WITH A FRIEND IN THE BACKYARD.
HIS FRIEND HIT THE BALL, WHICH LANDED IN HIS NEIGHBOR'S YARD
BY THEIR BEDROOM WINDOW. HIS NEIGHBORS WERE MR. AND MRS. GORSKY.
AS HE LEANED DOWN TO PICK UP THE BALL, YOUNG ARMSTRONG HEARD
MRS. GORSKY SHOUTING AT MR. GORSKY
"SEX! YOU WANT SEX?! YOU'LL GET SEX WHEN THE KID NEXT DOOR WALKS ON THE MOON !"
TRUE STORY. It broke the place up.
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Post by ACCC on Sept 18, 2012 8:15:44 GMT -5
A blonde man shouts frantically into the phone "My wife is pregnant and her contractions are only two minutes apart!"
"Is this her first child?" asks the Doctor. "No!" he shouts, "this is her husband!"
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Post by myles on Sept 18, 2012 10:35:23 GMT -5
A young man fills out an application for a job and does well until he gets to the last question, “Who Should we notify in case of an accident?” He mulls it over and then writes, “Anybody in sight!”
-Milton Berle
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Post by Yogisd1 on Sept 19, 2012 6:29:17 GMT -5
Which hurts more, giving birth to a baby for a woman, or a man getting kicked in the groin? I figure it this way. You will hear a woman say "I think I'd like to have another." But you will never hear a man say "I'd like to do that again."
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Post by ACCC on Sept 19, 2012 16:44:22 GMT -5
A little boy was walking down a dirt road after church one Sunday afternoon when he came to a crossroads where he met a little girl coming from the other direction.
'Hi,' replied the little girl. 'Where are you going?' asked the little boy.
'I've been to church this morning and I'm on my way home,' answered the little girl.
'I'm also on my way home from church. Which church do you go to?' asked the little boy.
'I go to the Baptist church back down the road,' replied the little girl. 'What about you? '
'I go to the Methodist church back at the top of the hill,' replied the little boy.
They discover that they are both going the same way so they decided that they'd walk together. They came to a low spot in the road where spring rains had partially flooded the road, so there was no way that they could get across to the other side without getting wet.
'If I get my new Sunday dress wet, my Mom's going to skin me alive,' said the little girl.
'My Mom'll tan my hide, too, if I get my new Sunday suit wet,' replied the little boy.
'I'll tell you what I think I'll do,' said the little girl. 'I'm gonna pull off all my clothes and hold them over my head and wade across.'
'That's a good idea,' replied the little boy. 'I'm going to do the same thing with my suit.'
So they both undressed and waded across to the other side without getting their clothes wet. They were standing there in the sun waiting to drip dry before putting their clothes back on, when the little boy finally remarked:
'You know, I never realized before just how much difference there really is between a METHODIST and a BAPTIST !!!'
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Post by myles on Sept 20, 2012 6:50:41 GMT -5
A word to the wise ain't necessary - it's the stupid ones that need the advice. Bill Cosby
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Post by myles on Sept 24, 2012 6:29:06 GMT -5
As a child my family's menu consisted of two choices: take it or leave it. Buddy Hackett
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Post by eastend on Oct 21, 2012 8:17:48 GMT -5
THE COWBOY
A modern day cowboy has spent many days crossing the Dakota prairies without water.
His horse has already died of thirst. He's crawling along the dusty ground, certain that he has breathed his last breath, when all of a sudden he sees an object sticking out of the ground several yards ahead of him.
He crawls to the object, pulls it out of the ground and discovers what looks to be an old briefcase.
He opens it and out pops a genie. But this is no ordinary genie.
She is wearing an IRS ID badge and a dull grey dress.
There's a calculator in her pocketbook. She has a pencil tucked behind one ear.
'Well, cowboy,' says the genie, 'You know how I work....You have three wishes.'
'I'm not falling for this,' said the cowboy,
'I'm not going to trust an IRS genie.'
'What do you have to lose? You've got no transportation, and it looks like you're a goner anyway!'
The cowboy thinks about this for a minute and decides that the genie is right.
'OK! I wish I were along-side a lush spring with plenty of food and drink.'
***POOF***
The cowboy finds himself beside the most beautiful spring he has ever seen, and he's surrounded with jugs of wine and platters of delicacies. 'OK, cowpoke, what's your second wish.' 'My second wish is that I was rich ....
beyond my wildest dreams.'
***POOF***
The cowboy finds himself surrounded by treasure chests filled with rare gold coins and precious gems.
'OK, cowpuncher, you have just one more wish. Better make it a good one!'
After thinking for a few minutes, the cowboy says, 'I wish that no matter where I go, beautiful women will want and need me.'
***POOF***
He was turned into a tampon.
The moral of the story?
If the U.S. government offers to help you,
there's going to be a string
attached.
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Post by myles on Oct 22, 2012 7:28:51 GMT -5
I never said most of the things I said. Yogi Berra
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Post by goodgrief on Oct 23, 2012 9:25:48 GMT -5
I handed the teller @ my bank a withdrawal slip for $400.00 I said "May I have large bills, please"
She looked at me and said "I'm sorry ma'am; all the bills are the same size."
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Post by grahamcracker on Oct 26, 2012 12:12:47 GMT -5
Over five thousand years ago, Moses said to the children of Israel , "Pick up your shovels, mount your asses and camels, and I will lead you to the Promised Land. " Nearly 75 years ago, (when Welfare was introduced) Roosevelt said, "Lay down your shovels, sit on your asses, and light up a Camel, this is the Promised Land. " Today, Congress has stolen your shovel, taxed your asses, raised the price of Camels and mortgaged the Promised Land! I was so depressed last night thinking about Health Care Plans, the economy, the wars, lost jobs, savings, Social Security, retirement funds, etc .... I called a Suicide Hotline. I had to press 1 for English. I was connected to a call center in Pakistan . I told them I was suicidal. They got excited and asked if I could drive a truck...... Folks, we're in trouble..
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Post by eastend on Nov 12, 2012 17:00:48 GMT -5
2 young guys appeared in court after being arrested for possesing dope.
The judge said, "You seem like nice young men, & I'd like to give you a second chance instead of jail time. I want you to go out this weekend & try to convince others of the evils of drug use. I'll see you back in court Monday."
On Monday, the judge asked the first guy, "How did you do over the weekend?"
"Well, your honor, I persuaded 17 people to give up drugs forever."
"17 people? That's wonderful. How did you do it? "
"I used a diagram, your honor. I drew two circles like this: O o. Then I told them that the big circle is your brain before drugs & the small circle is your brain after drugs."
"That's admirable," said the judge. Then he turns to the second guy. "And how did you do?"
"Well, your honor, I persuaded 156 people to give up drugs forever."
"Wow!" said the judge.. "156 people! How did you manage to do that?"
"Well, I used a similar diagram," the guy said. "I drew 2 circles like this: o O. Then I pointed to the little circle & said, "This is your anus before prison. . . . . . ."
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Post by pegbundy on Nov 21, 2012 18:13:28 GMT -5
A young man named John received a parrot as a gift. The parrot had a bad Attitude and an even worse vocabulary. Every word out of the bird's mouth was rude, obnoxious and laced with Profanity. John tried and tried to change the bird's attitude by consistently saying Only polite words, playing soft music and anything else he could think of to 'clean up' the bird's vocabulary. Finally, John was fed up and he yelled at the parrot. The parrot yelled Back. John shook the parrot and the parrot got angrier and even more rude. John, in desperation, threw up his hand, grabbed The bird and put him in the freezer. For a few minutes the parrot squawked And kicked and screamed. Then suddenly there was total quiet. Not a peep was heard for over a minute. Fearing that he'd hurt the parrot, John quickly opened the door to the Freezer.. The parrot calmly stepped out onto John's outstretched arms and Said "I believe I may have offended you with my rude language and actions. I'm sincerely remorseful for my inappropriate transgressions and I fully Intend to do everything I can to correct my rude and unforgivable behavior." John was stunned at the change in the bird's attitude. As he was about to ask the parrot what had made such a dramatic change in His behavior, The bird spoke-up, very softly, "May I ask what the turkey did?" Happy Thanksgiving!
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Post by eugene on Nov 25, 2012 18:08:24 GMT -5
The Bear Remover.....................
A man in rural Wisconsin woke up one morning to find a bear on his roof. Not exactly sure what to do, he takes a look in the Yellow Pages and sure enough, there's an ad for "Up North Bear Removers".
He calls the number and the bear remover says he'll be over in 30 minutes. The bear remover arrives and gets out of his van. He's got a ladder, a baseball bat, a 12 gauge shotgun and a mean ole pit bull dog.
"What are you going to do?" the home owner asks.
"I'm going to put this ladder up against the roof, and then I'm going to go up there and knock the bear off the roof with this baseball bat. When the bear falls off the roof, the pit bull is trained to grab his testicles and not let go. The bear will then be subdued enough for me to put him in the cage in the back of the van."
He then hands the shotgun to the home owner.
"What's the shotgun for?" asks the home owner.
"If the bear knocks me off the roof, shoot the dog."
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Post by myles on Nov 26, 2012 7:32:27 GMT -5
The Bear Remover..................... A man in rural Wisconsin woke up one morning to find a bear on his roof. Not exactly sure what to do, he takes a look in the Yellow Pages and sure enough, there's an ad for "Up North Bear Removers". He calls the number and the bear remover says he'll be over in 30 minutes. The bear remover arrives and gets out of his van. He's got a ladder, a baseball bat, a 12 gauge shotgun and a mean ole pit bull dog. "What are you going to do?" the home owner asks. "I'm going to put this ladder up against the roof, and then I'm going to go up there and knock the bear off the roof with this baseball bat. When the bear falls off the roof, the pit bull is trained to grab his testicles and not let go. The bear will then be subdued enough for me to put him in the cage in the back of the van." He then hands the shotgun to the home owner. "What's the shotgun for?" asks the home owner. "If the bear knocks me off the roof, shoot the dog."
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